Guardian Parents
The Parent Series
By DrLovegood on 05-08-2008
Guardian parents are favorite punching bags. That's in part because there are so many of them, so they are more likely to be your parent or your mate's or best friend's parent. Also, Guardians have a tendency to believe that they are right, which no amount of discussion can change. Not all Guardians are like this, and some actually do change once they learn about personality types, but there are an awful lot of self-righteous Guardians out there. That self-righteousness can wreak havoc on a tender Idealist's mental state, engender hatred from Rationals, and rebellion from Artisans.
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However, when Guardians are 'enlightened' or when they have a partner who compensates well, they are fantastic parents. Mature parents of all types understand that people are supposed to be different and raise their children according to the nature of each child. Mature Guardians provide a stable home environment which is a safe haven for their children. They offer reasonable structure which many children desperately need. Traditions, rituals, and family habits help the family members connect with each other. A person fortunate enough to be brought up in a mature Guardian's home generally has a strong sense of their place in society, a lot of self-discipline and industry, and a loving family which provides a sense of belonging.
Some of the potential problems for Guardian parents include micromanaging and vicarious living. Guardians sometimes find it difficult to back off and let their children learn from their own mistakes. They want to fix everything the child does to make it perfect. Also, even when Guardians realize that other people are supposed to be different from them, they may still want to live out their unrealized dreams through their children.
Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your Guardian parent. First, don't try to undercut their beliefs since that will just make them more stubborn. Show respect and humility and apology as is appropriate. A rebellious attitude is a sure-fire way to get them to dig in their heels. Respect the fact that they have been on the earth longer than you have and have seen lots of things you haven't. Attitude speaks much more loudly than your words.
Generally speaking with most parents, you will need to expect to spend more time listening than talking. This shows respect for them. You can cut deals with Guardian parents, but there are two caveats. One is that you will never live it down if you don't hold up your end, no matter what the reason. The second is that deals are much easier to make if you do or at least start your part first. When asking for something, explain how that will make you a better person, citizen, or student. Be practical.
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on May 9, 2008
Good job Lala! Half the battle of communicating with Guardians is learning how to say things in language which they understand and which is meaningful to them. |
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Posted by LalaChan on May 9, 2008
Ya, the hard part though is having to tiptoe around your own words so they don't trip you up. But once you get going, it's oh so easy. |
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Posted by leonbodevin on May 12, 2008
My mother is a provider guardian. I had forgotten about the "self-righteous" part before you mentioned it in the article. It was really difficult having a guardian parent but when I got older and had long moved away I realized how lucky I was. |
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Posted by JackDermody on May 13, 2008
It is so hard to give Guardian parents their due. Here's a perspective: They were NOT the parents who usually said FIGURE IT OUT (Rational)...who said...who usually asked WHAT DO YOU THINK MOST MEETS YOUR VALUES? (Idealist)...or who said COME ON, MAKE A DECISION AND LET'S MOVE ON! (Artisan) Yes, Leonbodevin, we should consider ourselves lucky for some of those Guardian parents. |
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Posted by JackDermody on May 14, 2008
My point in the previous post might be missed, i.e., that the Guardian parent will likely provide a pretty good life map and more clarity and helpfulness than the other types -- at least from the perspective of some children. My adoptive Guardian parents kept me from the drug scene and worse; in another family, I might have died years ago. |
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Posted by LalaChan on May 18, 2008
yes, they do provide a good life map..the problem is that most of the time they want you to follow that and nothing else. |
My grandparents are guardians, big time. They are always saying that everything is because I'm young. I don't know what I'm saying because I'm young. I'm wrong because I'm young. And I don't really believe what I believe because I'm young, I'll believe what they believe when I'm older. And now that I'm getting ready to graduate high school and go to college, they are trying to coax me into a career that they think is socially respected and highly paid for like the medical or accounting field (they own their own accounting company). I used to fight it all of the time by not doing school work, or getting into art like hobbies such as drawing and cooking; it always earned a "I hope you don't want to be a cook when you're older, they don't make much money." and my mom being an idealist goes "I think Kayla would make a great cook, she's good at it and has the brain to do whatever she wants." It's kind of something I have to keep my mouth shut about "adult topics" that is. But now, I'm 18. I had dinner with my grandma last night and told her I wanted to be a neuro-psychologist with a private practice on the side. She sat for a bit and just said " Well Kayla, you have the mind for it...why not try medicine though?" and I just said "Grandma, psychology is a high paying field that women dominate and I find the subject fascinating." After that, she was all for it. She even gave me one hundred dollars in my birthday card!