Q&A with Dr. Lovegood
By DrLovegood on 05-12-2008
Dear Dr. Lovegood,
My husband and I are very active in scouting. We always have kids at our house, and some of them feel closer to us than they do to their own parents. He’s a car mechanic and can fix anything. He’s so good with the scouts and has taught them all kinds of things. I’m worried because periodically he just disappears, sometimes for several hours. I’ve asked him where he’s gone and he tells me he’s just been walking around. Is there something wrong? He’s an Artisan Crafter (ISTP), and I’m a Guardian Provider (ESFJ).
Dear Provider,
It’s great that you love taking care of the kids in the neighborhood and that your husband volunteers in scouting. It’s too bad more parents don’t/can’t do this. You are a social person, but your husband needs more time alone with peace and quiet. Since your house is always full of kids and noise, he can’t get the time alone to recharge. That’s probably why he’s leaving.
You might want to talk to him about setting up a place in or around the house which can be his safe haven. He may still enjoy walking, but he’d probably feel more comfortable with a retreat. Good luck!
Dear Dr. Lovegood,
I’m a Guardian Protector (ISFJ). My husband is an Artisan Crafter (ISTP). A few months ago, we had a baby boy. The baby was very sick, and the doctors thought he wasn’t going to make it. My relatives were all very upset. In the middle of this, my husband disappeared. I have no idea where he went. Several days later, he came back home with no explanation. By that time, the baby was fine, and my relatives had left. I’m so hurt that he left me when I needed him the most. Is our marriage doomed?
Dear Protector,
You were in a very difficult situation. Having a very sick baby is extremely stressful. Congratulations on his improvement!
Crafters have a tendency of being overloaded by too many people and too much emotion. Your situation had both. You had a bunch of emotional relatives. Very few things in life are likely to be as stressful to a Crafter as your situation, so it’s fairly likely it won’t happen again or at least very often.
I’m not excusing your husband’s behavior, but I do want to give an explanation. This by itself doesn’t doom your marriage even though it is very hurtful. Good luck!
