Personality Zone

Q&A with Dr. Lovegood

Dear Dr. Lovegood, 
I’m a Guardian Protector (ESFJ). I read that my ideal type would be an Artisan Crafter (ISTP). That’s what my boyfriend is. We’ve been going out for 2 years. I really like him. I think we’re very compatible. I think he’d be a good father. He has a good job and is an overall good guy. The only thing I worry about is that I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach or electricity between us and I never have. I think he’s going to ask me to marry him. What should I do? 

Dear Protector, 
First, there really is no ideal type, just a type that more people of a particular type are likely to pick and be happy with. You would need to figure out for yourself what your true ideal type is. In fact, you’re likely to discover that quite a few different types are attractive to you. Most people find themselves attracted to people of several different types. 

Second, on the issue of whether you should marry him. There’s no simply answer. If you are fairly young, could probably find someone with more electricity fairly easily, and/or don’t care if you have children, then I would recommend exiting this relationship and looking for someone else. Generally speaking, it’s best if you can find Mr. Right if he exists.  

However, if you are anxious to have children and/or are older, you may decide to settle for him. Sometimes women will settle for Mr. Good-Enough because they are afraid they’ll get no one or because they really want a family. A woman who wants children can’t wait forever. Just remember that it isn’t this guy’s fault you don’t feel chemistry. Good luck! 
 
 

Dear Dr. Lovegood, 
I’m an Idealist Champion (ENFP). It took me a long time to get over my divorce. Now my kids are grown so I decided to see who I could find. I am so in looove with this amazing man!! He’s everything my ex wasn’t. He’s so romantic and kind and to die for gorgeous! The only thing is, he’s 32 and thinks I’m 38. I’m actually 49. What should I do? Do I keep it a secret? Do I tell him? How? 

Dear Champion, 
What do you want out of this relationship? It’s not uncommon for Champions to enjoy playing the field. If you are only planning on having a short term relationship with him, then maybe it doesn’t matter that you’ve misled him. Just be sure he knows you aren’t looking for a long term relationship. 

However, if you are thinking of a long term relationship, there are a couple of things you need to consider. One is that he may want children which you can’t give him. The other thing is that you’ll eventually have to tell him the truth unless you plan on him and your kids never meeting. If you introduce your twenty-something kids as your children, he’s going to be able to do the math. Good luck!