Personality Zone

Tips on Fair Fighting between the Temperaments

The Fighting Series

There are six combinations of four temperaments with two different temperaments in each combination. In the next two weeks, we’ll look at all six combinations. After that, we’ll examine how to fight or disagree effectively with partners of each of the four temperaments. 

Rational-Idealist pairings combine a long view of trends and theory with a long view of people and humanity. They combine the hopeful and idealistic with the cynical and realistic. If the Idealist shares their vision, the Rational can give pointers on the pragmatic aspects of achieving that vision. If the Rational shares their vision, the Idealist can give pointers on dealing with the people involved so the vision can be realized. When these couples fight, they are likely to accuse each other of being cold, harsh, unrealistic, and enabling. 

Kirk (Rational Mastermind ENTJ) is married to Chelsea (Idealist Champion ENFP). When they disagree, they can usually reach consensus or agree to disagree. However, when the stakes are high, Kirk will often start becoming super logical. He will try to patiently point out Chelsea’s inconsistency in argument. As she becomes more expressive, he becomes more restrained. Sometimes, Chelsea will say, “Will you quit being so damned rational?” That is Kirk’s clue that he may have won the battle, but he lost the war. 

Guardian-Artisan pairings combine a love of fun and pleasure now with planning for the future. The combine social responsibility and meeting obligations with taking care of yourself and being free. Artisans can help their Guardian partners stop and smell the roses while Guardians can help Artisans look to maximize enjoyment between now and the future. When these couples fight, they are likely to accuse each other of being judgmental, too rigid, irresponsible, and selfish. 

Don (Artisan Promoter ESTP) and Hailey (Guardian Protector (ISFJ) seldom fight. However, they used to have a problem when they went on vacations. Hailey would make an itinerary of everything she wanted to see and do, but Don wanted more free time. He’d say he didn’t want to go to a particular museum and she’d say she couldn’t go alone, so she wouldn’t go, but she was upset. Eventually, they figured out to negotiate one place Don and Hailey would go to together each day. Once she knew she could count on him, she started going other places alone, and they were both happier. 

Guardian-Rational pairings combine a grounding in reality with a vision of ultimate truths. They combine social connections and the practical with single-mindedness and the pragmatic. Guardians can help their Rational partners successfully navigate red tape while Rationals can help Guardians expand their intellectual horizons. When these couples fight, they are likely to accuse each other of lacking vision, being stupid, arrogance and being anti-social. 

Marina (Rational Architect INTP) and Jackson (Guardian Supervisor ESTJ) used to have regular arguments which simply ended without resolution. They argued about the same things with the same logic and the same lack of results. One continuing argument was what to do with Jackson’s mom. He wanted her to move in with them, and Marina said no. Jackson felt that he was responsible to take care of his mother and was angry with Marina for not caring. Marina believed that having Jackson’s mom live with them would cause unacceptable strain on their marriage, especially since they were planning on starting a family. She said he wasn’t being realistic, and he said she was selfish. After learning about temperament, Jackson realized that Marina probably saw things he didn’t, and Marina realized that they had to brainstorm some way to take care of his mom. They ended up buying a home with a granny flat. Each side can hang up a do-not-disturb sign.