A Temperamental Approach to Love
By DrLovegood on 02-07-2008
Most people spend a lot of time and energy looking for that special mate. Can temperament help you find the right person for you? Is there a way to use type to help you quickly rule someone in or out? Knowing about personality types can help you find and make connections with potentially suitable mates. Here are some tips.
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1) Most people find themselves attracted to the same types over and over. As long as this is a healthy attraction (as opposed to being constantly attracted to, say, cheaters), use this information to help you find more people of those types.
Guardians and Artisans are relatively plentiful, so if you attracted to them, you will just need to read up on them. Then you will probably be able to spot them all around you. To find Idealists, look in places like volunteer work, political activism to better people or the environment, book clubs, role playing clubs and classes, such as literature, psychology, and sociology. Rationals are the hardest to find. Look for them in places like Mensa, debate classes, Toastmasters, chess club, and classes, such as philosophy, science, math, and engineering.
2) Learn what the types you’re attracted to like to talk about and do. Once you find a potential person, you want to be able to engage them in conversation or activity so you can get to know them better. You can use the tips from last week’s column to get you started.
3) Remember that while you may be attracted to a particular type, a specific person of that type may not be attracted to yours. Don’t take the rejection personally. You are likely to also find people attracted to you who don’t match your criteria. It is possible for you to find a suitable candidate of the right type and feel absolutely nothing for them. In this case, the problem is often a difference in values, goals, culture, so something similar.
4) Be open to finding yourself attracted to someone who is not one of your normal types. They may be just the person you were waiting for. Just don’t throw caution to the wind.
Hopefully these tips can help you be more effective in finding that special someone. In future weeks, we’ll look at the advantages and disadvantages of different pairings of personality types.
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Posted by DrLovegood on Feb 8, 2008
FreeBird -- you've made a good point that you have to think about why you're being attracted to someone. Is it because you think they are long-term relationship material or because they're great to have fun with, or to talk to, or something else? It's not unusual for a person to play around with the same type of people but to choose a long-term partner who is very different. |
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Posted by tredan on Feb 10, 2008
Dr. Lovegood's comment certainly echoes my experience...I feel true mutual understanding when I am in the company of other idealists.....and true meeting of minds when in the company of rationals....However, I never dated an idealist man....maybe in part because they are also quite rare and are often found in my own line of work ...and I would not really want to date someone who works in the same field as me. I seem to be attracted and end up with thinkers rather than feelers, and more often than not, sensors rather than intuitives...This makes for challenging relationships since we only share one or two preferences, usually introversion and perception.... |
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Posted by RandyParent on Feb 21, 2008
I'm a rational/mastermind, and you never would have found me in any of the places you suggested ("Mensa, debate classes, Toastmasters, chess club, and classes, such as philosophy, science, math, and engineering.") Place to have found me are marching band, playing tennis, performing arts, summer camp, and in a leadership role in whatever activity I'm involved with. |
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Posted by FPrince on Feb 24, 2008
I'm a Rational Inventor (ENTP) and you also wouldn't find me in the places you've suggested. We Rationals are hard to pin down. <p> Since I don't like to join groups (even participating in this forum is a challenge for me), you'd find me at work or be introduced to me by a friend...who I probably met at work. </p><p> Like RandyParent, you'll most likely see me in some sort of leadership role when I am involved with a group--I try to stay out of the spotlight but usually end up providing technical support or communication/facilitation skills.</p> |
I am attracted to other Artisans over and over. I'm not sure this is for the best long term... but we sure have fun partying! I am very interested in your upcoming columns on different pairings of types - especially about Performers!