Personality Zone

Birds of a Feather

When people first learn about personality types, they are apt to think that it would be good to find someone else within the same subgroup who is not exactly the same. For example, it’s very common to hear Idealists say that the only way to have a good relationship is to find another Idealist. That way both partners will have similar but not identical ways of looking at the world and will have the same kinds of ideas about how relationships work.

Different temperaments are looking for different things in relationships. Guardians want a loving partnership where they work along side each other and face life’s trials together with fortitude. Artisans want a playmate, someone with whom they can share the joy of the sweet buffet of life. Rationals want a mind mate, someone who can listen to their ideas intelligently and have ideas of their own to debate. Idealists want a soul mate, someone with whom they can share their deepest desires, dreams, and fears and who will share back.

Since the temperaments want different things, it might seem sensible to stick with your own temperament in love. Since Idealists both want deep sharing at an intimate level, it seems natural to think that the best way to find a soul mate is to look for someone who also wants a soul mate. However, this can backfire. Two Idealists may find themselves with no emotional stability. Two Rationals may find that they end up regularly debating to the point of arguing. Two Guardians may become so serious that they never learn the joy of play. And two Artisans may play so much they may never do anything else. We can all benefit from learning to be partners, learning to play, and learning to share thoughts, ideas, dreams, and fears with our lovers.

While finding a partner of the same temperament might be the surest way to find partnership/playmate/mind mate/soul mate, this kind of pairing has some of the same risks as a pairing between two people of the same type. The risks tend to be less since the partners have somewhat different things to offer.

Damien is an Artisan Promoter (ESTP), and he is with Erika, who is an Artisan Composer (ISFP). They love to surf together. They have jobs with a lot of flexibility so they can go to surfing events around the world. Their apartment is small, which doesn’t bother them since they only use it to sleep. All of their money goes to surfing. A couple of years ago, they found themselves in financial trouble because they bought whatever they wanted without concern for whether they had the money or not. They’re still paying that off and run pretty high credit card balances, but they are leaving themselves a much bigger margin. People ask them what they will do when they grow up. Damien laughs and says that growing up is simply not on his to-do list.