Complementary Pairings – Rational/Idealist
Pt.I in Series
By DrLovegood on 03-06-2008
The most common type of pairing is the complementary type. Rationals and Idealists complement each other as do Guardians and Artisans. We’ll look first at Rationals with Idealists and then Guardians with Artisans next week. Rationals and Idealists both live in the world of what might be. They’re more likely to look for solutions to problems in how they think rather than what they do. Both are likely to enjoy long conversations about ideas, although Rationals prefer logical ideas and Idealists prefer people-oriented ideas..jpg)
Rationals are drawn to Idealists because they are good sounding boards for the Rational’s ideas, and they readily express positive emotions. Idealists are drawn to Rationals because they are able to understand the Idealist’s ideas and have excellent emotional control.
Jesse is a Rational Architect (INTP). He felt very awkward around women. He didn’t know what to talk about and didn’t like small talk anyway. In college, he met Aria, an Idealist Counselor (INFJ). He was amazed at how easy it was to talk to her. He didn’t even have to think about it. She loved listening to his ideas, commenting on them, adding to them, and occasionally debating him on some of them. Love hit him like a thunderbolt.
Claudia is an Idealist Teacher (ENFJ) with very high expectations for love. She found herself rejecting many different men because they didn’t live up to her ideal of the perfect soulmate. Then she met Jeff, a Rational Mastermind (INTJ). He loved listening to her dreams and aspirations. She knew she could trust him not to tell anyone else her secrets. Eventually, she did figure out he had flaws, but by that time, she was far gone.
Dr. Keirsey recommends Rational-Idealist pairings and suggests that the best combinations would be the ‘opposite,’ that is, ENTJ with INFP, ENTP with INFJ, INTJ with ENFP, and INTP with ENFJ. Each of these pairs has the ‘N’ in common, but nothing else. Anecdotal evidence appears to support his suggestions. If the couple has too much in common, they are likely to have some obvious weak areas. For example, a Rational Inventor (ENTP) with an Idealist Champion (ENFP) have only one letter different. This couple is likely to have lots of fun generating ideas and excitement but may have difficulty actually bringing ideas to fruition. Also, it is likely that neither one of them will be wild about housework or maintenance. Couples with a lot in common may find it easier to communicate but may also find it more difficult to get everything done.
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Posted by Javier74 on Mar 7, 2008
Jack, If you don't mind me saying this: "Good luck, Man!" hehehe, hope you do get that relation back on track. I've been paired most of the time to "Idealists" of almost the same "caliber" as me and it has worked well, as Dr. Lovegood accurately says that relations depend on other very important factors as Culture, Maturity levels and interests or areas of either complementary skills or ideals. I've only once had a relationship with a Rational woman, and boy do I regret that. I'm not meaning it was an entirely awful deal, but we rarely met each others expectations. Do take much care on "measuring" self and mate's goals, culture compatibility / learning, and areas as superfluous as economics, and as profound as religion/beliefs. |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Mar 11, 2008
I'm an Idealist married to a Rational. Our marriage isn't perfect, but I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. When I was dating, I was always attracted to Rationals or Artisans, but the Artisans were more for fun. I wanted to settle down with a Rational, and I did. This was before I knew about temperament. We've been married 24 years. |
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Posted by bsaunders on Mar 11, 2008
I gotta copy to a Lady Chatterley fantasy, the physical type not so obsessed with the things in his head as I am with the things in mine. In my younger days -- always Artisans for this Idealist. This usually broke down over books. I grew up with books literally overflowing from every nook and cranny of the house. It did not work to date people whose books could be confined to a single shelf! Fortunately I've made friends of them all. |
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Posted by healthnut1 on Mar 12, 2008
I am knew to all of these amazing personality tools so I am just absorbing all of what is being said. I do believe that one aspect no one has mentioned is that of feeling healthy about yourself prior to falling for someone you at the time see as a loving relationship. Sure I have been with personalities mostly rationals...but if I was healthier mind, body, and spirit and aimed for my equal would it matter what personality type she was? Again new at this...but if a person can accept and understand your differences through being educated about personalities will it matter? In relationships which I still remain in touch through email or could contact as a distant friend I recall feeling healthier and that I was able to select someone whom was healthy at the time as well. We learned that we were not going to see a future in the relationship but that didn't mean the other person wasn't still a person of value. In relationships where we both agreed not to see each other in so many words..this relationship started from my own perspective out of both of us not being healthy and it ended unhealthy. Wow, that brings me to the notion of timing not just of ourselves but of the other person. As those friends whom I use to date may still be agreeable to trying again should we both be at a healthy stage in life and can accept the other person. I know a couple in my church that have divorced and then remarried...finding an even greater love between them the second time around. Did they do so because they were healthier at the same time, because they came to a greater acceptance of differences and strengths in personalities...I don't know but they seem very happy. I would encourage feedback...thanks Chad (ENFP) |
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Posted by DrLovegood on Mar 12, 2008
Chad, any personality type can have a successful marriage with any other personality type. This series of articles looks at common pairings and the advantages/disadvantages of each. Personality type is not the most important part of a relationship since maturity, common values, common religion, and many other things more important, as you noted. However, given that both parties are reasonably mature, people can still gain a lot of benefit from understanding about type. I know couples who have started out immature and still managed to pull out a working relationship after they've dealt with their own issues. |
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Posted by healthnut1 on Mar 12, 2008
Dr. Lovegood, Thanks for your feedback. So it is the icing on the cake to have an understanding or better yet someone of a more compatible personality...not a deal breaker. I am learning a lot and seem to identify as a Champion at times, but tested as a Teacher. Given Dr. Keirsey's recomendations after meeting the main requirements you highlighted above, a Teacher or a Champion would carry a higher success with his/her opposite. So an INTP or a INTJ would stand out in high preference should I meet such a friend through this site. Dr. Lovegood can you think of a question or a cognitive thought pattern which deliniates the two personality types I struggle between? I would have a hard time explaining to others coming on this site and gaining a Multiple Personality Disorder. Ha...only kidding (serious about the learning to distinguish the two types). Very glad to gain this valuable information as it supports an area of new interest and discovery about people. As an extrovert people remain a large source for recharging my batteries...which makes this much more than a learning experience. Respectfully, Chad |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Mar 13, 2008
I am married to a Mastermind and related to several Architects. It can be hard to tell the difference. I don't have a problem simply because of my exposure to both, but I'm not sure how to put what I know in words. Both Masterminds and Architects enjoy wordplay, but Architects tend to take using the right word more seriously. One fairly consistent difference is that Masterminds actually finish projects whereas Architects keep trying to improve their projects -- they sometimes need someone else to tell them that they are done. Both are timeless, but Architects tend to be more so. It took my Architect brother 7 years to finish college, but my Mastermind husband took 5 1/2. I hope this helps a bit. |
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Posted by still_learning on Mar 19, 2008
I'm an idealist healer and i've always liked artisans for there fun-loving attitudes, there also creative and expressive! |
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Posted by LalaChan on May 6, 2008
Eh, I'm on and off with most rationals I know. It's that "I hate you so much that I love you" thing. Really weird though, as I find myself often around rationals...like..all of my friends are rationals. I have one artisan friend and two guardian friends and then a ton of rational friends..I think I have like some type of idealist/rational polarity thing going on here...especially with masterminds (who are supposed to be very rare...weird..) |
My Idealist self paired up with a Rational only once and that – of all my relationships -- is the one I most regret leaving. The romance occurred before I learned about temperament theory and I remember vividly wanting desperately to make it work but had no idea how to even begin to fix things. The solutions might have been simple, I believe, in retrospect. For example, I would have known that Rationals judge others by their competence and I could have leapt more quickly at figuring out solutions. She might have better appreciated my own Idealist’s need for just a little more face time. The reason we broke up may have been “chemistry” or things left unsaid, but I would sure like to revisit it with these new temperament tools in my pocket!!