Q&A with Dr. Lovegood
By DrLovegood on 07-22-2008
I’m a Rational Mastermind (INTJ). I’d like to find someone special, but women seemed turned off. I don’t know why since I’m reasonably attractive. I know what I’m looking for in a woman, but all the women I know seem so shallow. Are there any truly intelligent women out there who wouldn’t be turned off?
Dear Mastermind,
One problem may be that you have mannerisms that make people uncomfortable, perhaps a different way of talking, nervous habits, or topics most people don’t know anything about. Another problem may be that you are so focused on what you are looking for that you are scaring people off.
It is not unusual for Masterminds to have poor social skills. If you think this may be the case for you, observe yourself and observe how others hold themselves, how long they talk, amount of eye contact, and so on. As an experiment, see if you can imitate certain ways of doing things and watch how people react. Try different combinations.
The fact that you know exactly what you want can scare women off. Women generally want a chance to get to know you without having to worry that you are going to try to take the relationship way deeper than they want it. As you find techniques which seem to make people more comfortable, use them to try and become friends with a few women. Good luck!
Dear Dr. Lovegood,
I have a 10 year old son who I think is a Rational. He might be an Artisan. The problem is that every time I ask him to do something, he creates a battle. He immediately says no or starts arguing with me about why he shouldn’t have to do it. He spends more time arguing with me than it would take to actually do what I’ve asked. I’ve tried reasoning with him, but that doesn’t work. He’s so convinced he’s right. I’ve tried taking privileges away, but he doesn’t care. He still won’t do what I told him to do. I’ve sent him to his room, but it’s hard to get him there. He’s driving me crazy. What do I do? I’m a Guardian Protector (ISFJ).
Dear Protector,
If he is a Rational or an Artisan, he’s probably wanting autonomy. He doesn’t want anyone else to control him. He will fight what he sees as other people’s attempts to control him. The more you push, the more he’ll push back to maintain control.
One technique to avoid a power struggle, is to tell him what to do once or twice and simply ignore anything he says. If he does not have anyone to fight against, his better nature may take over. In a similar vein, if you find yourself arguing with him and not getting anywhere, stop and say, “You know what you need to do.” Then turn and walk away. Often, within 5 minutes a defiant child will do the job. I’ve seen these techniques work quite well.
If that isn’t enough, sit him down when he’s calm and you have nothing you’re going to ask him to do. Talk briefly about what being a member of a family means. Ask for his input on what he can be asked to do, how he can ask for more time or make other bargains, and what should happen if he does not do the task in a timely fashion. Work out an agreement with him. This will give him a sense of control. The next time he raises a ruckus, remind him of the agreement and do not say anything else. Good luck!
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Posted by DrLovegood on Jul 23, 2008
Barack Obama is an exceptionally smooth Mastermind. He would be a good person to imitate, at least at a macro level. Seeking out other Rationals could help him develop social skills with a very forgiving group of people. Imitating a reasonably popular Rational can be a great start. |
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Posted by LalaChan on Jul 24, 2008
Oh man, don't give up mr. rational! I'm an enfj and I have always gotten along well with intj's! They're fun. Have more confidence in yourself, I'm sure you are a pretty cool cat (haha I'm 18 and feel so old saying cool cat..sad..) but ya, just chillaz about it. Accentuate your good trates so that they compliment the bad ones, it'll even out. to the guardian...I have rational friends. one is an enfp who lives with his isfj mom. She's controlling..here's what he says "she always argues and never debates, I have yet to hear a reasonable word come from her." also, he talks a lot about how punishment should fit the crime. If he see's it's a small punishment that he can put up with, well then he just does it anyway since its something he can tolorate. With rationals..just kind of ask them instead of telling them, letting them think its somewhat of a request normally works. my other enfp friends says "i love to feel useful, the biggest insult i can get is to say that im not useful". so try to put that in somewhere |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Jul 25, 2008
I'm married to a Mastermind who still has few social skills, but I know other Masterminds who have average or better social skills. In my husband's case, I've taught him quite a few. As far as how we got together in the first place, well, let's just say that one of his closest friends said that if there was a match for him, there must be a match for everyone in this world. I've described our relationship as where the rocks in his head fit the holes in hers. |
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Posted by Perseus on Jul 26, 2008
For the Europeans: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barak_Obama He does seem a Mastermind to me, INTJ. I love watching the female Sparrowhawks (my term) when their talons start waving. Lots of different hawks, of course, I would say he was one of the larger more powerful types, a Goshawk, approaching (Legal) Eagle (INTP) status. |
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Posted by LalaChan on Jul 26, 2008
wow entp* lol missed that mistake.. he's an entp. |
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Posted by soul2cole on Aug 4, 2008
As an INFJ married to an INTJ, here are my suggestions for the Mastermind trying to find a mate: - Focus less on what you want in a woman and more on what she wants in a man. - Don't try to show her how smart you are. It will make you seem arrogant. Your intelligence will reveal itself through the course of conversation. - Try not to seem rigid. Show her your imaginative side. (In other words, play down the Thinking and play up the iNtuition.) - Listen, listen, listen. Make eye contact. Never interrupt her, ever. Don't point out what you perceive as logical inconsistencies in her statements. Most women are feeling types, so they're largely communicating emotional data rather than factual data. If you nitpick her words, she'll feel as if you're disregarding her feelings and trying to humiliate her. - If women seem shallow to you, that says more about you than it does about the women. Ask yourself why they seem shallow, and how your expectations may be the problem. When a woman is getting to know a man, she doesn't want to talk about nuclear physics. She wants to know whether she can trust him, whether he's kind, whether they share common values. In other words, she wants to know who you ARE, not what you KNOW, at least until she feels comfortable with you. - The women you're most likely to be compatible with are Idealists and other Rationals. Consider where these women are likely to spend their leisure time, and look for them there. (Hint: They're not likely to be at clubs drinking and dancing until 2 a.m. A better choice would be an author reading at a bookstore.) Hope this helps. Good luck! |
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Posted by Stig1 on Aug 20, 2008
As a mastermind myself I would advice you to use your imagination or iNtuition to come up with some humor. That used to be one of my main methods to come across people. If not the only method. Growing up in a Guardian only family somewhat made me tone down the all Rational approach. They didn't understand me anyway so why bother... |
To the INTJ mastermind, if Barak Obama has millions of screaming fans, and he's an INTJ, then there is plenty hope! (And change too, I suppose!) There are INTJs with game. My suggestion seek out environments where there are other NTs!