An Ethos
Things I Try to Live By (or at least remember)
By KipParent on 04-09-2008
- The real Golden Rule: Treat others as they wish to be treated - they're different than you. George Bernard Shaw had it right. David Keirsey explains it.
- Don't attribute to maliciousness what can be explained by incompetence or ignorance. They're not out to get you, most of the time anyway.
- Tell the truth, even when its inconvenient. Lying usually gets you in trouble because its too hard to keep track of. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said. I'm not smart enough to keep track of lies. Besides, the initial pain you may feel when owning up to something bad pales in comparison to being caught in the conspiracy of the cover-up.
- If you can't or won't say something to someone's face, don't say it and don't stand for others to do it in your presence. If someone is dishing dirt about someone else to you, they're dishing dirt about you elsewhere.
- Question the "rules". Continuously. If they make sense and serve a purpose, they will stand up. If they are arbitrary, capricious, or have outlived their usefulness, there is no point in continuing to observe them.
- If you can do someone a favor, do it. Why not? And who cares if they thank you? On the other hand, when someone does a favor for you, remember to thank them. They didn't have to do it.
- Don't wait for someone else to do the right thing if you can do it yourself. This goes for things both small and large. If the trash bag is full, take it out. If you've been thinking about installing solar panels on your roof, do it.
- If you're at a meeting / lecture / etc., and you have a stupid question, ask it. There are usually quite a few others that don't understand either but think they are the only "stupid" one. Dare to publicly show your own ignorance.
- Tell the people that you love that you love them. Often. Especially your kids who think you're being sappy.
- If you say you'll do something, do it. Not just tasks, but consequences as well. Its the way people learn to trust you. You'll also learn to trust yourself.
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Posted by doctorgiggles99 on Apr 10, 2008
what i meant to say was that i could see that you are a rational while reading the list... sorry my thoughts got ahead of my typing ability. |
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Posted by mkb32 on Apr 10, 2008
ENFP here ... why do I like being "first" so much? "If you say you'll do something, do it." IS a HARD one for me sometimes especially when delivering consequences are what must be followed through. I'm SURE it's the "F" that drives that. But, much worse is when I loose interest. And I have a very high tolerance for when other folks don't follow through for me. Usually, I shrug it off and "make do". |
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Posted by Squareroot on Apr 11, 2008
Those are good rules to live by. I guess that I don't have any myself, rather I have tried to figure out and prioritize my personal values and use them as a guide. And ultimately, my top guide is God/Scripture. |
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Posted by Bella on Apr 11, 2008
Thank you Kip. All are good codes to live by, but these two are my favorite. - The real Golden Rule: Treat others as they wish to be treated - they're different than you. George Bernard Shaw had it right. David Keirsey explains it. - Don't attribute to maliciousness what can be explained by incompetence or ignorance. They're not out to get you, most of the time anyway. (this one was put to me before as most people do not have malicious intent) Squareroot, figuring out and prioritizing our personal values is challenging but very rewarding exercise. There is an interesting set of questions to assist this processs in the "Seven habits of highly effective people" I once took a 'values' work shop that was a very rewarding experience as well. |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Apr 12, 2008
When Dr. Giggles first wrote about a code to live by, I felt confused. Do I have to have a code? When I think about the concept my answer is either too general or way too specific. ............................................ The most important thing in my life is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." Everything in my life is based on relationships (so unusual for an Idealist, I know). Love = relationships. I love God because he loved me first. God created Adam and Eve so he could have a relationship with them. When that relationship was broken, he sent Jesus to restore it. Loving your neighbor fits quite nicely in with Kip's real Golden Rule. ....................................... In a certain sense, I think the beliefs we have behind our ethos is more important than the ethos itself. My values to live by are rooted firmly in a belief that God omnisciently, omnipotently loves me. I believe that he made me and owns me. ................................... One rule to live by that I have which seems to be relatively unusual is that I believe that it is my responsibility to like everyone. People talk about loving someone but not liking them. I wouldn't feel loved by someone who didn't like me. I believe each person is a unique representation of the divine character of God. Theoretically, I should be able to find that in everyone. I think this rule contributes to my success as a teacher. I'm not sure how well I'd follow this rule if some monster harmed one of my kids. |
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Posted by sosayssunny on Apr 14, 2008
<quote>- Don't wait for someone else to do the right thing if you can do it yourself. This goes for things both small and large. If the trash bag is full, take it out. If you've been thinking about installing solar panels on your roof, do it.</quote> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The way I often phrase this is: "It is not enough to do just your part because there are always some people who won't do theirs and the consequence is a horrible world." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The most practical application of this thought is in leaving places nicer than the way I found them -- I pick up trash on the road or in public bathrooms, for example. |
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Posted by sosayssunny on Apr 14, 2008
<quote>- If you can't or won't say something to someone's face, don't say it and don't stand for others to do it in your presence. If someone is dishing dirt about someone else to you, they're dishing dirt about you elsewhere.</quote> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The way I often phrase this is: "You don't have the right to complain if you won't take your complaint to someone who can do something about it." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A practical application is bad service at a restaurant: Don't get mad and tell all your friends if you wouldn't even take the time to tell the manager. Having worked in restaurants, most managers will "comp" your meal (pay for it) or do something else to make it right. You aren't being vengeful in telling the manager -- he has a right to know if his employees are hurting his business. |
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Posted by sosayssunny on Apr 14, 2008
Oh -- and a PS regarding "dishing dirt about someone else to you, they're dishing dirt about you elsewhere." ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a man is willing to leave his wife to be with you, what makes you think he won't leave you to be with someone else? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The way a man treats his mother is very indicative of how he will treat his wife. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These are just examples of how the way people treat others is how they will treat you. |
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Posted by dian113 on Apr 18, 2008
I liked your emphasis on honesty very much. Is this a primary value for most Rationals? I'm an INTP in a relationship with an ESTJ and currently finding myself in the position of having to defend my extreme aversion to untruth in an intimate relationship (evasion, omissions, lies to avoid looking bad or to avoid confrontation, etc.) I find that even what a lot of people would consider "small" lies damage my trust in my partner. |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Apr 19, 2008
dian, I love your profile pic. I'm a math teacher. I think an emphasis on honesty is partially Rational and partially cultural. The Japanese and Chinese often don't understand why Americans (and others) value honesty so much since it leads to social unkindness. I think they feel social harmony is more important than truth telling. I'm an Idealist, but I was raised to always tell the truth. I've had to learn how to redirect, avoid, change the subject, and similar tactics to keep from making others uncomfortable. I now look at why a person lied to decide if it really matters (it still usually does). |
kip, probably just like you, i am constantly seeking more knowledge, knowhow, thoughts, ideas etc... To see in writing what some believe, and how others try to conduct themselves is amazing. Temperament plays a strong role in deciding what we like as ethos, and what we throw away. In reading your list it's easy to tell you are a parent, and christian (at least in upbringing.) what is really cool thought, is that you seek truth and turn away from lies a trait that everyone treasures, but that i think rationals typically hold in high regard. I think the 'rules questioning' speaks for itself in rationalistic ideology, as well as the 'ask questions' one. All three of those ring true for me. Your last one listed is very 'J-ish' in my opinion and i am curious if the INTP's or ENFP's agree with it or not. I think it would be interesting to read others' ethos without knowing their temperaments and seeing the patterns.