Psychic or Idealist?
Knowing what people are thinking
By LisaFairhurst on 06-14-2008
The students went on a field trip to a bowling alley. I helped carpool and had a chance to talk to the group’s escort. She was also Japanese and worked as a kind of liaison between the students and their host families. Her English was excellent, even idiomatic.
I took the opportunity to talk to the escort and explain what problems we were having with the student. We had had many Japanese students in the past, but we’d never had so much trouble with basic communication. As I talked to the escort, it became clear to me that she believed that I was the problem – that I couldn’t communicate adequately to the student. I felt frustrated and didn’t know how to deal with her belief, but fortunately events intervened.
As we were talking, one of the students came up near us holding one shoe in her hand and asking a question in Japanese. Before the escort could react, I told the student in English to keep the shoe with her. The escort then agreed in Japanese. For me (and maybe for many others), it wasn’t too hard to figure out what the student’s problem was. She’d given one shoe to the bowling alley people and couldn’t figure out if she was supposed to have given over both.
After this incident, the escort laughed kind of embarrassedly. She realized that I had no trouble understanding and communicating regardless of the language. Her attitude changed, and I felt more comfortable with the situation because I felt she understood my point of view.
Now for where I think this ties in to personality types. I am an Idealist Counselor. I’m guessing that Idealists in general would have an easier time communicating with people regardless of the language. I’ve also seen some Artisans who don’t seem to need language at all to communicate. Once when I had a garage sale, a customer spoke Spanish to her friend. I spoke English. We completed the transaction without either one of us speaking the other language.
With people who also speak English, I have been told that I can read people’s minds. Some people have found it really freaky. At times, I can tell the person almost word for word what they are thinking. I can be so in tune with someone that we will say the same thing at the same time. My mom and I often do this. She says it’s because we know each so well. I believe it’s because I know her so well.
Of course, I can’t really read minds at all, but I am really good at reading all the clues people give including body language, tone, and facial expressions. I am also good at intuitively knowing a person’s temperament or type and guessing based on that how they are likely to view the world. By the way, people talking to me get an open book. I have almost no ability to hide what I think or feel. It would be nice to provide a more socially acceptable front.
So, how about you? Do you find that you can ‘read’ certain people’s minds? What do you rely on to help you determine what people are thinking?
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Jun 18, 2008
My Rational husband often doesn't understand how I feel, much less why I react the way I do, but he does generally accept me as I am. However, he provides a stable base for my expressed emotionalism, and I provide a stable base for the emotions seething inside of him. ........................ I have had problems with the feelings I appear to be expressing not matching what I'm actually feeling. I have trained myself so that I can now usually give off the 'correct' responses. The other week, a student observed that I was angry. I agreed with her, but the truth was that I was hugely stressed, not angry. However, I realized that my behavior said anger even if my feelings didn't. I did modify my behavior. |
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Posted by rational on Jun 19, 2008
It seems to me that I definitely can´t read others minds and, even less, their emotions. Some of my relatives have complained to me that I am a somewhat disagreeable person. When I received the first complain about the fact that my attitude seemed ungrateful, it came to me as an absolute surprise to hear that, because to me my attitude seemed quite normal and I had not noticed signs of unpleasantness towards me. Now I´ve get used to hear that. My answer now is "if my behaviour is not nice to you, simply tell me, but if you don´t tell me I simply can´t guess what you are thinking". |
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Posted by copperhair on Jun 21, 2008
I too seem to be able to read people much of the time. My problem is that I have had to learn to filter enough that I don't have to "feel" what they feel also. When I was younger, I think that there were times I was much more pained by peoples situations than they themselves were. I just found your blogs tonight, but will have to go read the older ones. I too am a counselor, so it should be interesting. Thanks for sharing. |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Jun 21, 2008
copperhair, I've had the same problem of taking on others' pain. I do it a lot less now which makes me more effective in helping people. I'm reminded of advice for new doctors: "Let the patient do the bleeding." ............................. rational, some Rationals have to learn how to express certain emotions. My husband is like that. He sometimes comes to me for advice on how to handle particular situations since he can tell he's blowing it. It's good to tell people up front that you're clueless. You may also wish to explore learning how to give off the 'correct' emotions. It can make a huge difference. |
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Posted by unders on Jun 22, 2008
Siksik, I found your observations interesting. As an introvert, intp, i have found myself only be able to be in tune with other people's feelings when i make myself pay attention to them. However, i believe that once i get into the mode, i can read people as good as any idealist. As for people, reading me, being an introvert, I hardly find anyone that can understand and read my feelings. Sometimes people think im hurt when im really not (often im just bored), or arguing when im really just stirring some waters because im so bored with the dinner conversation. Like what you said about idealist, they are the only ones that can have a hint about whats going on in my head. I think you put it perfectly, they understand us but cannot read us, just like its true of the opposite. For myself, i personally find ENFPs and INFPs the only idealist who understands me. ENFJ's always tend to think they know what im feeling, but usually makes a wrong assumption that cozes things to turn out to be really bad. And, since they are NFJ, they are super stubborn. As for artisians, they simply just dont judge. I like hanging around them because i can have fun with them and i know what to say to get them going. Except the conversation doesnt get deep. Guardians are just completely clueless about what's going on. I found that i can constantly predict how they will predict my emotions as they are quite textbook. However, when i need someone to depend on anytime, they always seems to be available, despite their true intentions. I guess at the end of the day ENFPs/INFPs are the best at somewhat understanding me. |
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Posted by mkb32 on Jun 23, 2008
I have always been able to "read" people, as much as I can remember. For years and years I bought into the label "co-dependant" for myself. Now that term rings empty for me. Having spent the majority of my life in "unsafe" environments ie: physical, emotional, spiritual, meant being extremely AWARE of "clues" ie: people's body language, facial expressions, tone of voice was necessary for survival. I am extremely hyper-sensitive as to whether I feel "safe" in an environment or regarding a person --> which is my first impression. Actions and words play a small part in that decision. When I view photos of people I always look at the eyes of the subjects and will usually identify an emotion from there. I do not have a good explanation as to "how" I choose. But my life experiences have taught me to trust my feelings on that subject. |
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Posted by IntroSpectre on Jun 29, 2008
I sometimes share these symptoms, but sometimes am wrong. How does one know if one is projecting or receiving? Please note that my concious intention regarding this post is not to cause conflict but to better understand myself. |
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Posted by IntroSpectre on Jun 29, 2008
I sometimes share these symptoms, but sometimes am wrong. How does one know if one is projecting or receiving? Please note that my concious intention regarding this post is not to cause conflict but to better understand myself. |
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Posted by LisaFairhurst on Jun 30, 2008
IntroSpectre, I do the same thing. To find out if I'm right, I ask. Or I wait and see. I try to take even my strongest intuitions with a fat grain of salt because I can't be sure that I'm right. |
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Posted by rational on Jun 30, 2008
Lisa: thanks for the reply. |
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Posted by drmst33 on Jun 30, 2008
My parents are both idealists and I am a rational (INTJ). Siksik I think you have a good point about I vs E when it comes to being able to read people somewhat better. However, I don't think I would be able to "read" people as well as I do (and I have become quite skilled over the years) unless my parents weren't Idealists (I believe my father is a Counselor as you are Lisa, and my mother a Healer). My parents always seemed to be able to figure out any emotions I had, which few were able to do. They rarely misinterpreted my emotions as I grew older too, my mother more so than my father. I believe because my mother rarely jumped to any conclusions about what I was displaying. Because they became so good at that with me- I decided that was a skill worth attaining. It does require a bit of effort on my part, but once in the "zone" I really can startle people with my "mind reading" ability. |
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Posted by IntroSpectre on Jul 1, 2008
drmst33, have you read about http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin ? LisaFairhurst, granted this is definitely not an accurate measurement, but I'm curious how well you score at http://www.youjustgetme.com in both the mini-mind readings and the main facility? Please don't feel obligated either of you, just offering and curious. |
I wish I had your natural talent, but alas, I don't. I know many people who can pick up on subtle nuances and read people like you said, most I feel are either artisans or idealists. I also have noticed that the more introverted of these two types seem to be even more in touch with others unsaid feelings. It seems that it is natural for an introvert to observe more, and an extrovert to be observed more. There are some people I know that even have this gift with animals. My mother is like this (Artisan composer I believe) and she can often tell whether an animal is in pain, happy, uncomfortable, hungry, sad, or other emotions that most consider animals to not have in their arsenals of feeling. Personally, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, which I think is unusual for most rationals. However, what I am really doing is simply attempting to express with emotion the way I "feel" and I am so bad at this that I often give off emotions that most wouldn't connect to what I am feeling. Therefore, I am usually misunderstood, and many come up to me in times of emotional distress and think they know what I am feeling, but actually don't have a clue. These are usually "sensory" people, for they pick up on what I am showing on my sleeve, but not what I am hiding beneath. They often try to be helpful, but their kind gestures are to no avail. There are the people who have this mind reading ability you speak of, they I find are usually "Intuitive" and are the only people who seem to be able to break through my defense mechanisms and actually comprehend what I can't about my feelings. I definitely think that you have touched upon a very intuitive trait that resonates in the personality of an idealist, and is finer tuned in an introvert. I might also add that as I stated I am usually best understood by idealists, I feel that guardians are probably best understood by artisans, and vice versa. This would probably be attributed to the fact that they both pick up things on the sensory plain of here and now emotion and usually don't mask what they feel. I now understand the whole compatibility thing between the types. Interesting. Unfortunately for idealists you will probably find in a rational someone who understands how you feel, but doesn't understand the way you react to it.