Personality Zone

Evry daaay

I’m living in a place where I’m like no one I’m surrounded by and constantly reminded that almost every sole individual displays undeniable characteristics of a selfish human being that I absolutely despise. I’m not trying to be the person to rack on mankind and all, I mean we’ve done some pretty great stuff; Like putting people on the moon, creating a federal government in which everyone is equal, fair trials and all that junk. But I’ve deducted this has to be some type of religious thing because I couldn’t be any more surprised how much the people on this earth don’t give a fuck. MAYBE I’ve realized this because I’m going to chichester high school. MAYBE it’s because I’m even in high school. Or MAYBE it’s because most people really do only care about themselves and their own happiness. What’s even fucking greater is the fact that I have to live with this, like this because it’s in my general interest of self-preservation. You have to be like them, to live like them, or at least what they’re pretending to be. Happy. And while I’m trying to prove this statement wrong it just makes me weaker and want to fight with myself more. The one thing that drives me, which is helping people, is kind of starting to disappear because I see everyone so far from help they don’t even know they need it.

Everyone I know needs to be a better person. And most people don’t even care.

Most people I know wants people to feel a certain way about them, and want to feel and be better than everyone else. They want to be cool, and make people feel worthless. These are the hurts caused and the reason people kill themselves everyday. People kill themselves because of other people. If they’re sad, it’s not just because they’re sad it’s because someone made them sad, and really how many things in this world can be apologized for and readily forgiven? Hardly anything. Even the stupid stuff.

I’m just feeling so much pain for people I don’t even know I’m just assuming are feeling it, toppled on top of the hurt I cause other people and caused myself. I suppose things will turn around by the time I’m done high school. I believe I can make it through then.

And of course I’m thinking he didn’t. He didn’t make it. He couldn’t do this anymore so everyone look what happened, and keep doing what you’re doing. Learn nothing, and keep hating. If we don’t change, this could happen tomorrow. And it could keep on happing, I don’t have to bet my life to understand statistics, This happens everyday.

For the record, I’m not saying I’m the only one not guilty of all these immorally fucked up crimes. I’m probably a huge cause, considering severity of insecure feelings, and basically every bad thing I described in the preceding sentences. Oh, and apparently I have hypomania. If you read up on it, you’ll find it ironic I’m assuming myself to have it too

I’m scared of what I might do

I’m scared of what I might not do to help someone, thinking they’ll be there tomorrow, because, Hey maybe they fucking won’t be.

Earlier today I made a cake from scratch..frosting

I cut off the top layers and mashed them all together for layering, but it all seemed to fall apart from there. After it was done, the chocolate frosting on the chocolate base, honestly, looked like a mound of shit. But when I tasted that and realized how non-shitty it tasted it’s never been more clear to me that

Directions are over-rated.

and the general supply of confectioner sugar should never be underestimated.

I really haven’t had time to update on how terribly thing’s are going for me. I’m doing well in school, I’m still alive and have most the people I care about, so I’m ignoring the fact I want end everything everyday every time I think about

I think